The Difference Between Discipline & Abuse

Every child needs rules and responsibilities to keep them safe and help them develop into healthy, happy, productive adults capable of reaching their full potential. Discipline includes a variety of tools intended to guide children in developing appropriate behaviors and emotional responses, being responsible and making appropriate choices. Discipline becomes abuse when a child's physical or mental health or welfare is harmed or threatened.

Child abuse can take many forms. Child abuse can also be neglect - a pattern of failure to provide for a child's physical needs, such as food, clothing, shelter and medical care, or a pattern of failure to provide for a child's emotional needs, such as affection, attention and supervision.

Physical Abuse

Physical abuse is the non-accidental injury of a child which results in physical harm. It could include shaking, hitting, beating, burning or biting a child which results in bruises, burns, lacerations and/or abrasions, skeletal injuries, head injuries, internal injuries or death.

Physical abuse is the most visible form of abuse, but even after the wounds heal, children exhibit a vast array of behavioral disorders including becoming overly withdrawn or overly aggressive with people and/or animals.

Sexual Abuse

Sexual abuse is the involvement of children in sexual activities including incest, any forced sexual activity or exposure to sexual stimulation. Sexual abuse can range from non-touching offenses of exhibitionism to touching offenses of fondling, up to and including sexual intercourse. Sexual exploitation of a child also constitutes abuse and can include child prostitution or pornography.

Emotional Abuse

Emotional abuse is often defined as a pattern of behavior that repeatedly denigrates a child. Emotional abuse causes emotional or cognitive disorders. Constantly blaming or putting down a child including excessive yelling or shaming constitute emotional abuse.

Emotional abuse can include ignoring a child; terrorizing or threatening a child with death, mutilation or abandonment; isolating a child in a particular place or from interaction and socialization; and corrupting a child by forcing the child to engage in or witness illegal or inappropriate activities.

Child Neglect

Child neglect is the most common form of child abuse reported to child protective services. It is defined as a type of maltreatment in which basic age appropriate care is not provided. Age appropriate care includes shelter, food, clothing, education, supervision, medical care and other basic life necessities needed for development of physical, intellectual and emotional capacities.

Child neglect is often reported by neighbors, physicians, school personnel or others who are in frequent contact with the child. Professionals have defined four types of child neglect: physical neglect, educational neglect, emotional neglect and medical neglect. Indicators of child neglect include lack of appropriate supervision; lack of adequate clothing and good hygiene; lack of medical or dental care; lack of adequate education; lack of adequate nutrition; lack of adequate shelter.

Physical Scars

Physical scars can include:

• Bruises or Welts
  • Occurring in clusters or unusual patterns
  • Multiple bruises in various stages of healing
  • On the posterior side of the body or around the face and neck
• Burns
  • Immersion burns, cigarette burns, rope burns or other unusual burns
• Lacerations/Abrasions
  • To mouth, lips, gums, eyes, genitalia
  • Bite marks
  • Loss of hair
• Skeletal Injuries
  • Multiple fractures in various stages of healing
  • Spiral fractures
  • Missing or loosened teeth
  • Facial fractures
  • Subdural hematomas
• Internal Injuries
  • Intestinal injuries
  • Inflammation of abdominal area

Signs of Sexual Abuse

A child who has been sexual abused will often show an increase in sexualized behavior either inappropriate to the child's age or become promiscuous. Other warnings signs may include depression, conduct problems, phobias, sleep problems, anxiety, signs of post traumatic stress disorder, eating disorders, self inflicted injuries or psychotic breaks.

Behavioral Indicators

A child's behavior may also signal that something is wrong. Behavioral indicators include complaints of soreness or uncomfortable movement, wearing clothing that is inappropriate for the weather, discomfort with physical contact, staying away from home or purposeful isolation from others.

Emotional Scars

Child abuse leaves hidden scars that manifest themselves in numerous behavioral ways. Insecurity, poor self-esteem, self-inflicted injuries, destructive behavior, angry acts such as fire-setting or cruelty to animals, withdrawal, poor development of basic skills, alcohol or drug abuse, difficulty forming relationships and suicide are all emotional scars. Many emotional scars last forever; however, the sooner the abuse is discovered and ended the earlier the healing process can begin.

When a Child Discloses Abuse

Very seldom will a child disclose abuse immediately after the first incident has occurred. Typically, a child may not report the abuse for months or even years, particularly if the abuser is someone close to the child. Children may disclose abuse in a variety of ways including extreme outcries such as suicide gestures/attempts or more subtle ways such as drawings, stories or notes or indirect hints; disguised "what if" disclosures; disclosure with strings attached ("promise not to tell…") or a final angry outburst about the abuse.

Once a child has built the courage to tell about the abuse, it is vitally important for the child to feel that he/she is believed and that someone is getting help. Contact your state child abuse hotline or local child protective agency immediately.